Nexus 7 tablet hands-on (video)
13 years ago
Damn Its Funny
“I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.”
“Be nice to your children – they will be choosing your nursing home.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
“I used so much hairspray that I feel personally responsible for global warming.”
“How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?”
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
“Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage; and half-shut afterwards.”
HeIgHT Of ovEr coNfiDeNce
HeIgHT Of ovEr coNfiDeNce,
A
G I R L
S A Y z
W i d
A l o t
O F
M a k E U p !
I
L O v E
M y
S k I n
D u R i n G
R A i N. . . . . .)=P
Funny quotes and sayings about money
If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.
When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.
If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.
Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.
Money is just the poor man's credit card.
Really Funny
Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Let's share, You'll take the grenade, I'll take the pin.
I'm not fluent in IDIOT, So please speak slowly and clearly.
Those are my principles. If you don't like them I have others.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
Let's share, You'll take the grenade, I'll take the pin.
I'm not fluent in IDIOT, So please speak slowly and clearly.
Very funny quotes
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather.It moved to Finland. Now Santa Clause is missing!
George Washington said:"We will have a black president when the pig will fly!" Well....the pig flew!
College is about three things: homework, fun, and sleep...but you can only choose two!
Animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Funny computer quotes
User Error!Replace user and press any key to continue!
Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail.
Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it? (Y/N)
CONGRESS.SYS corrupted... Re-boot Washington D.C? (Y/N)
Those who can't write programs, write help files.
Beat the computer, program your life!
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Double your disk space:DELETE Windows!
Press any key except... no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
Funny marriage quotes
The secret of a successful marriage is not to be at home too much.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
80% of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
THe best FuNNy QuOTes
Fat kids are harder to kidnap.
Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.
If evolution is fact, why do mothers only have two hands?
Sex is not the answer. "Yes" is the answer.
After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles.
This One
The world is divided into people who do things--and people who get the credit.
Work is for people who don't know how to play golf.
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck.
The work has created man, but neither laziness did not kill anybody.
There are two rules for success: 1.) Don't tell all you know.
Blonde Joke Fest
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Lynn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail Pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in.
Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you Throwing those nails away?' Lynn explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of Them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.' Judy got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't Defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
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Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the Winter.'
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You might have to think twice about this one.
A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip Of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency Room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting Off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and Then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants...
I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 To get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a Loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger.
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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it To a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he Decided to have some fun... He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started Blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened.. So she blew a little Harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her to blow into the Tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'
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A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took It to the clerk to ask what it was.
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, And cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she Bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things Cold,' she replied..
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied......'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.
Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying that My mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the Day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'
Blondes Are The Best!!!
6 Smartass Answers
Top 6 Smartass Answers
SMARTASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front. "What are my choices?" John asked. "Yes or no," she replied.
SMARTASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMARTASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMARTASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMARTASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, " Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
SMARTASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Shadey Git
A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies.
They then get to meet their maker and because of the grief they have experienced; he decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise.
They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.
The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.
This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous but when God is halfway down the line the last guy in the line starts laughing.
When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.
Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The guy eventually calms down and says:
"Make 'em all ugly again".
