“I don’t pray because I don’t want to bore God.”
“Be nice to your children – they will be choosing your nursing home.”
“My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.”
“I used so much hairspray that I feel personally responsible for global warming.”
“How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?”
“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
“Men should keep their eyes wide open before marriage; and half-shut afterwards.”
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